Talking strategies

There isn’t one right way， one perfect question， or one right time to have these conversations. Here are some suggestions to try：

Greet your child with an cheerful hello. Try saying “great to see you！” or “I missed you！” or simply， “I hope you had a good day！” instead of “How was school？” These statements communicate what you really feel without instantly putting your child on the spot with a question. As a result， your child is more likely to speak about his/her day.

Allow your child not to talk right after school. Many kids don’t want to talk the minute they walk in the door. They want to have a snack， call a friend， or just get relaxed. （Think about how you feel when you walk in after a long day at work. Wouldn’t you rather put your feet up and talk later？）

Learn about your child’s life at school. The more details you know about your child’s school experience， the more valuable your questions will be. If you know the teacher reads a story every day， ask “What story did Mrs. Younger read today？” If you know the teacher’s newsletter comes home on Wednesday， set up a ritual to read it together at dinner. If you visit your child’s classroom， make note of new things you might want to discuss with your child later.

Say what’s on your mind. If what you really need to know is “How did you do on the math test？” just ask. If you fish around， your child will feel bitter or angry about it more. “But keep in mind that if you frequently ask questions about tests， that’s all kids will think you care about，” notes Lawrence Cohen， Ph.D.

Avoid face-to-face interrogations. You might do better in situations where you’re not face-to-face like the car， when your child takes a bath， or when you are cooking. In this way， your child won’t feel put on the spot.

Let the talk come out naturally. Discuss the day while you cook dinner， read together， or check homework. But try not to use dinner as a time to talk about problems like homework or tests. Everybody needs a break！

Listen before you talk. Let your child lead you into conversations on his/her own. Sometimes your child will drop hints without your asking， like “We planted seeds today！” or “Where’s the atlas？ I need to find Antarctica.” These are perfect openings to talk together about school.

Don’t jump in to fix your child’s problem immediately. If your child brings up a problem like “I hate my teacher！” take it in a long step. First， find out what else your child has to say and what he wants to do about it by asking， “What do you think you want to do about this？” and “Is there something you’d like me to do？” Follow up later with “How did your new strategies work？” or “You haven’t mentioned math class lately， does that mean it’s going better？” If the problem is serious， discuss it with the school.

Vocabulary

instantly adv. 马上，立刻

ritual n. 仪式

interrogation n. 审问

hint n. 暗示