Composition analysis 作文分析案例

Composition analysis (unit 2)

Questions to ask yourselves:

1. Have you made an efficient outline before you get down to writing?

2. In the body, do you present the paragraph subjects in a definitely clear way?

(paragraph development)

3. How would you evaluate the evidences of argument (viewpoints) in every paragraph?

(contents: not beneficial to the child’s personality; social burden; shortage of labor force)

4. Have you ever monitor that you have learned from unit 2 “Writing between the lines”?

5. Have you revised it by yourself, trying to correct the spelling mistakes, the use of punctuation, monitor sentence patterns or grammatical mistakes when you finished your writing? Or you ask your partner to proofread it for you?

6. Are you using consciously any rhetorical devices in the course of your writing to polish your language?

Well-done:

1. Make an outline first

2. Appeal to personal experiences

3. Use of link words

4. Use different kinds of figures of speech:

parallelism of verb phrase

metaphor

awareness of pronouns

quotation 5. broad horizon:

pension system

shortage of labor force

family who lost the only child(失独)

population structure

aging population(society)

I content, quite bluntly, that it is impartial for university students to pay tuition fees. the comparison between universities in U.S. and China

problems：

1. sentence outline, topic outline or topic-sentence outline

2. not notice the paragraph subject/topic sentence

3. not monitor the ways of argument

4. a long paragraph(better divide the body into several paragraphs)

5. subject-verb agreement

(anecdote-verb agreement)

6. plural of nouns

7. spelling mistakes

8. to(in) my point of view; in(on) my mind

accompany (company)

unbalanced and imbalance

pass or past

in the meanwhile (meantime)

in(a) conclusion, later or sooner

on one hand OR on the(one) hand

in other word(words)

9. Topic sentence:

First of all, it is to do with children’s growth. Secondly, it is from the parents’ aspect. (What’s the problem?)

Improved one: First of all, the one-child policy does not do any good to children’s mental and physical health.

10. On the other hand, from the view of economy, there once happening that many

factories can’t advertise enough workers in south of China.

(fragmented sentence 残句)

On the other hand, if parents have one more child, the more assurance of their future when they are old.

(fragmented sentence残句)

11. So, integrate home structure generally have a positive influence on children.

As we all know, there are a great deal of people are in support of revising the family

planning policy.

(run-on sentence 粘连句, 串句)

12. Misuse of pronouns

1）Parents are easy to dotage their only child, but it affects the formation of their children.

(conjunction, be aware of pronouns)

2）For one thing, the aging problem is now very serious in China, which means that the

later generations are responsible for all of them and it needs great expense.

（pronouns)

13. In that time, China had the most number of populations, so this disinterested socialism

country took the charge of the whole world.

14. There is an issue that many people talk about nowadays.

Improved one: There is an issue that has aroused

many people’s heated discussion nowadays.

As far as I’m concerned, the one-child policy is outdated which is unsuitable for our era.

Improved one: As far as I’m concerned, the one-child policy is outdated and unsuitable

for our era.

Whatever parents have to give, the only child get it all.

Improved one: The parents give their only child whatever he/she wants. development of our country.

(better use specific, literary words in composition writing)

16. Avoid too many short sentences. Make sentences varied and colorful.

17. Punctuation (too many commas)