英语搞笑短剧剧本-西游记

Once there was true love for me, but I did not treasure it. Now it’s too late to regret. Nothing in the world can be more painful than that. If only time could go back, if only God could give me one more chance, I would say to the girl: “I love you.” If you dare ask me how long my love will last, my answer will be at least 10,000 years.

Beat it!

人物：T:唐僧 吕欢 M:孙悟空 徐彩凤 P:猪八戒 艾翘 S:沙僧 李岩艳

X:白骨精原型 乌凡迪 X1:白骨精变成的男人 张伊僮

X2:白骨精变成的女人 王彧 Q:女儿国王后 孙栾营

T: Wow?,boys,this place looks beautiful. where we are now?Does any one of you young men know what this place is?

众徒弟们摇头，除了八戒在看书。

T: bajie, give me the map(不回头，懒洋洋的问)

T:bajie? Give the map to me!（严肃的问）

T：bajie! Give the fucking??..(转过身看到八戒在看书)

T:(很吃惊) hey！bajie，you are making youself a new man.what kind of book are you reading? Is it 《jingangjing》 or 《dabeizhou》?

八戒依旧看书，不理睬。

T:(凑过去)let me have a look at it!

八戒才注意，赶忙藏书。但为时已晚，T一把抢过。发现是封面女郎很惹火，眼神立刻变得温柔，接过书开始看

T：yao?.xi?..(流口水，八戒看到，拿出卫生纸给唐僧擦，唐僧回过神来)

T:（转身训斥八戒）how many times I have told you! You are not supposed to read this kind of book! I will keep it for you until the trip is end?..(唐僧将画册掖到衣服里)

P:But..um,why boss,why you always said we can never touch girls?I just do not understand?

T:（sigh），how many times I have to tell you ,That is because? (唐僧摆出一个酷酷的动作，一边跳舞，一边开始唱歌，Jackson的dangeous)

P:I know

T:Monkey,I am hungry.Go and get me some food?.Shaseng,you go feed the horse. (声音放低)and I think it is the time for me to call my little honey pony(甜蜜的，一边掏出手机，回头看到八戒在身边) hey！pig, get out of here !give me some private space! 唐僧开始给Q打电话（背景音乐《做你的男人》）

T:hi..how you’re doing(不解释?.)

Q:I am fine,but I miss you.Since you left,I can not stoping recalling the days we are together..but you do not even give

me a call

T:oh darling?.i am sorry.these boys are so gaush,it is not convenient to phone you.But you know I love you?oh?they are back! Fuck u boys,can you give me a moment of peace? M:who you are phoning,boss?

T:er (支支吾吾的)I was just having a chat with Budda. where is my food?

M:here! I found some delicious bananas!

T:bananas again?! How many times I have told you!i am a monk, not a monkey! I want meat, meat(加重语气)！don’t you understand? The next time,you still brings me nothing but bananas, I think we can do nothing but eat your buddy pig(眼睛瞄向八戒，流口水)（T拿起手机）

T:I will call you later，honey，I miss you

Q:me too,I will be on the phone,bye?

T：Monkey,I am hungry.Go and get me another food?.not bananas S: But boss,if a monster comes while brother monkey is away?.. T: Em??.It is a problem.Wukong,do you have any idea? M: No problem!(安装)（X已躲在一旁偷看）

P: This is?..?

M: Electric net!I have learnt the energy of electricity from boss’s books. So I made this. No monster can approach you if

you stay in it!

T: Em??Wukong, you are becoming more and more scientific! Emitofo, knowledge is power!

M: Bye!(走)

T: Let’s play cards!(三人开始打牌)音乐《斗地主》

白骨精上场

X: Hm!Hm!Electric net?You are too childish.Hahahaaa?I heard that any monster eating master tang will get a infinite life.how lucky am I,they are in my area.En?Electric net?You are too childish.I get to come up with a plan. Ehn?..get it! i can pretend to be a man,so they will trust me.haha??change change??

转了几圈，变成了一个男人。（背景音乐《天竺少女》）

X1:I look great!

X1: (接近三人，望着)Hey,guys!Can I join you?

S: I’m sorry,sir. We are playing Fighting Against landowner and three people are enough.

X1: All right I'll watch you then.(在一旁观看)Oh,Chance! Bomb! T: Bomb?(打出)

X1: Double King!

T: Oh?.I win! Em??,Sir,you are a boss-hand.( 背景音乐《斗地主》）Come in and teach me!(准备开电网门)

M: (回来，看见X1)Dai!You ugly monster!(上前就打)（背景音乐《打斗》

T：er?..悟空，I told you to get him out of here,not beat him to death?..

Next time don’t do this kind of thing(拿出美女画册，继续看） M: whatever, all right(懒得解释)

（悟空看到美女画册，急忙凑上去看，师傅把画册上下左右移动，悟空随之移动，师傅发现了，开始说：）

Ah, wukong ,you want to have a look at it,aren’t you ,If you want to just tell me, I will give it to you, if you don’t tell me how can I know that you want to have a look at it, even if you think in your heart that you want to have a look at it, if you don’t tell me, I still do not know that you want to have a look at it??.(悟空早已痛苦不堪，逃离此地)

T：wukong！come back！（唐僧摇摇头,继续看书)

X:（看到画册）ah?..I got a idea!

White-Skeleton Demon find out that master tang likes beautiful women very much,so she decided to change herself to a beautiful girl and deceive master tang to go with her.

变成了一个女的（背景音乐《天竺少女》）

说话一定要嗲

X2:（曼妙的走过来，碰一下唐僧，唐僧不转头：leave me alone.x2